All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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