When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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