1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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