He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
