I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
