Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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