went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We left an ass print on the piano.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
