Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
