im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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