Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was born a porn star she said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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