I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
