Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
