I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
