Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
