my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
