I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
