my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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