what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my shit smells like andre
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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