put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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