I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
