in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How naked do you want me to be?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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