Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
