he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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