i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
