You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
