I skipped work to stalk him.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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