In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
