Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
