Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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