were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
