Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
