What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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