dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
