glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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