Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
