I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
