Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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