Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
