He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
