i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
organizing the empties. That sober.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
