I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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