Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
