RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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