this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
