Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
