I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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