were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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