You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
