I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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