So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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