it was like his penis was on wheels.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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