I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
