Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
