I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
