But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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