i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
