u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
