Do you still have your period?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
