If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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