I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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