Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
