Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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