Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
