Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
