Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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