my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
