we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
