I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
