SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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