There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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