Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize