I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Houston, we have a squirter
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
