zippers are such a cool invention
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
